I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
