...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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