He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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