I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
