so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My liver is preforming stress tests.