is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
