i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.