dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..