sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
