I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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