Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
