It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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