i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
