when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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