we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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