I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
