Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
