God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
