would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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