Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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