dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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