he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
