Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
