How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
