But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
