How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
