I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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