it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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