Whod you bang
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
