oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
