I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
