Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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