She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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