Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
