He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
