I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize