i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
