Don't you send me to vm
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
