Im at strip club and am horny
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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