What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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