I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
