I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
