I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
