Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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