listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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