Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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