It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
