Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
