Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
