glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
