Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
operation harelip BJ is a go
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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