Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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