u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
