i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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