I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my phone needs a breathalizer
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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