I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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