her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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