I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
