lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
