So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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