This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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