508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
