I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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