I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
