she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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