Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
