if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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