i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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