Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and she was petting her beer can
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
