Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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