just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was born a porn star she said
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have fence marks all over my body
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
