But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
