i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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