nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
