before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD