I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD