it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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