Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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