The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
