am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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