Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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