The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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