honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
