Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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