just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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