Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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