wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize