We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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